Saying Goodbye

It has been far too long since my last blog update. I have no excuse rather than to say I have been busy soaking up every moment in my last month here. Unfortunately everything in this world seems to have an expiration date and I have been struggling with how to effectively leave here not damaging the relationships I have made or forgetting the lessons I have learned. This struggle unfortunately leads my heart to worry. I worry about how things will change for those I love here when I am gone. I worry about how I will adjust coming home being so changed myself. 

Jacques Cousteau was right when he said “People protect what they love.” God has given me such a heart to protect those that I have been entrusted in to love here. That’s why it seems easier for me to protect my relationships and myself by not addressing my leaving. I want to protect us all from the pain of this reality. How am I to tell my three year old roommate, who now calls himself my brother, that I am leaving and don’t know when I am coming back? How am I to leave the woman I am living with after becoming her closest confidant without causing her to feel abandoned? How am I to leave my team as their program is expanding in incredibly large ways? How am I to leave the people of this culture so oppressed by religion, materialism, and male-dominance? 

Yet the Lord challenges my fears of addressing my leaving through the way he chose to address his leaving of this earth to his disciples. He says “You heard me say, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you loved me, you would be glad that I am going to the Father, for the Father is greater than I. I have told you now before it happens, so that when it does happen you will believe. I will not speak with you much longer, for the prince of this world is coming. He has no hold on me, but the world must learn that I love the Father and that I do exactly what my Father has commanded me.” John 14:28-30

The disciples were Jesus’ closest friends. They were the people he did life with every day and had experienced the rawest things with. They were also the people he mentored and invested in deeply. How could he prepare those that he loved for the horrible way he was leaving? How could he say goodbye knowing what they would have to endure in his absence? Could it be that Jesus might have felt tempted to not address his leaving at all and just let the events unfold? When thinking about telling them, did Jesus have that feeling in the pit of his stomach that equated to dreading anticipation? What I am positive of is that Jesus shed tears over the thought of leaving his beloved friends and family.

 Jesus is fully God but fully human and can understand my feelings of leaving because he experienced them too. Through his understanding of me, he has taught me that it was because of his great love for his disciples that he had to prepare them. If he had not, they would have never known the significance of the crucifixion, the beauty of experiencing salvation, or the calling to participate in God’s future work as believers in Christ as Messiah. In the same way, if I don’t prepare my loved ones here for my leaving they may miss out on a deeper understanding of the unique calling of God on all of our lives. God at this time has called me to finish my Social Work degree at my college so I can further be prepared in helping oppressed populations, specifically women in sex trafficking and refugees. Where I will be after I am finished my studies, only my God truly knows that. God at this time also has given callings to my loved ones here: The calling to continue the work of rescuing and rehabilitating abused women. The calling to continue to heal in Christ from being abused physically, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. The calling to raise up holistically healthy children who experience trauma from abuse. If we avoided talking about the change that is inevitably going to take place, we fail each other in cultivating and encouraging one another in the knowledge of these callings. 

Just as stated above, “People protect what they love.” How much more so does God protect those that he loves! When Jesus was telling his disciples of his coming death, he did not leave them to feel abandoned or ill-equipped for the task of spreading the Kingdom. Instead he made sure they were taken care of by sending them an intimate helper, the Holy Spirit.

In John 14:15-21 Jesus tells his disciples:

“If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever- the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you will know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you will also live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.” 

In John 14:25-27 he further states:

“All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you of all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” 

In the same way God has already been protecting and providing for the people I am leaving. We have two new staff members coming, one from South Africa and the other from Wales that are going to be living in our building at the Red Light District. We also have a woman who prospectively may take my place in running the safe house. The lady I am living with and her son have received their official UN refugee papers which essentially rescues them from the fear of being manipulated with the threat of deportation and allows her son to attend kindergarten in the fall. They also have reached a point of stability and independence enough to actually move out of the safe house. This will allow them both to take steps forward in further recovery and a more hopeful future. God has also been providing for me with the joy of seeing my friends and family, continuing my passion of studying social work, and all the possibilities of where he might have me go next. 

I want to leave you with this thought:

A friend of mine who spent his summer in Zambia said something very insightful before he left. He said “it isn’t about me. It isn’t even about Zambia. It is all about God’s love.” At the time I didn’t fully understand the weight of this. The hippie inside of me was quick to nod my head in agreement and sing a little Beatles’ “All You Need is Love”, but my practical side was saying of course it’s about you and your calling to the Zambian people too. It wasn’t until I got to this country and experienced the things I did that I began to understand my friend’s meaning. 

I recently was reminded of the powerful verses in John 15:9-17 that state:
“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends for everything that I learned from my father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to bear fruit- fruit that will last. Then the father will give you whatever you ask in my name. This is my command: Love each other.” 

When I read this, it actually takes my breath away. I stand in awe of the beauty of our Savior’s heart. The heart that so loved the world that he left all the splendor and glory of heaven and humbled himself to be born in a dirty, smelly cave. The heart that so loved the world that he had compassion on the broken and used his power to heal the sick. The heart that so loved the world that he chose to spend time with the prostitutes, tax collectors, and fisherman of his day instead of with the prestigious religious authorities. The heart that so loved the world that when he was spit on, insulted, and beaten, he yelled out no words of hate, but rather asked his father in heaven to forgive his perpetrators. It is the heart that so loved the world that he gave his life as a sacrifice for all and continued on to beat the powers of hell through his resurrection to give us hope. We now get to live in the promise of this love of Jesus forever to be in the presence of our God because he loved the world so much.

 It says in the passage above that if you love Jesus you will follow his command. His command is this: for us to love one another. God chooses to use us to be bearers of Jesus’ love for the world. That is why my friend is right in saying “It isn’t about me. It isn’t even about Zambia. It is all about God’s love” God so loved the world that he saved it through the price of his life. When we share this love with another it isn’t about our capacity to love. It isn’t about that person and their capacity to be loved. It isn’t even about a people and their need to be loved. It is all about God and His furious love for His creation. God’s love surpasses one’s ability to love, one’s ability to be loved, and one’s need or seemingly lack of a need to be loved. 

1 John 4:7-12 explains this perfectly saying:

“Dear friends let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.”

God does not just love. He is love. Love is the very essence of God. When we choose to love one another that is how this world comes to know God and his heart because he lives within us and his love is made complete in us. 

This encourages me greatly because wherever I go, whoever I am with, and whatever I am experiencing God’s love with be shown to this world. How he pursues the heart of his creation! I am so blessed to be a bearer of God’s love. I encourage you all to embrace this command of loving one another and allowing God’s love to be complete in you wherever you are.  

Further things I would like to say:

It was my dear friend Corrin’s birthday this past week. Happy birthday!!!!! I hope you had a day filled with love, joy, and tons of laughter. Can’t wait to see you and go on our road trip with our crazy moms  

 

I fly out on the 15^th of August. I just ask that everyone be in prayer for the rest of my time here and the continuation of those prayers for these people long after I am gone. I will be home for about 4 days with my family until I have to move back into Hope so I will be seeing all of my college friends soon. Love you guys!

The Relentless Pursuit of Beauty

Hello Friends and Family! Time for another life update. Hope you aren’t sick of them yet! 

Last week Wednesday we celebrated a team member’s birthday by taking a ferry boat tour up the Bosporus into the Black Sea. The day was absolutely beautiful. It was actually cool weather and we enjoyed the relief it brought. We spent hours cruising along the borders of the city seeing all of the ancient and beautiful architecture that has been here for ages. My favorite part was seeing the smaller villages on the outskirts of such an immense city. The business and crowdedness hadn’t seemed taint the peace and sense of community there. I wonder if its inhabitants know what a special place they live in. At the last stop we got off and hiked a mountain to where the remains of a castle dwelled. It was designed to be a protective post at the entrance of the Bosporus all the way back to the times of Daniel. It is so unique to experience the ancient history that captivates this area. We concluded our day by having a gorgeous meal overlooking the sea. I cherish the adventure, peace, and community of that trip.

After such a lovely day, I had the unfortunate experience of getting sick in a foreign country for the first time.  I had the classic fever, stuffy nose, inflamed throat, and plugged up ears. It was quite miserable and left me bedridden for a couple days. Without my dear mother to take care of me, my team here stepped in by helping me get antibiotics and making me some delicious soup. Then I was forced to make myself rest. Rest is somewhat of a foreign concept to me and honestly is hard to obtain when one of your roommates is a three year old boy bursting with what seems like endless energy. Let’s just say that this time of rest was extremely difficult for me. I wanted to be fine so I could continue the work we are committed to. I didn’t want to be a bother to anyone or have them go out of their way to take care of me. Then I realized how incredibly foolish this attitude is. 

God revealed to me that I spend way too much time trying to pour out love to others, but won’t actually allow people to truly pour that love into me. By feeling guilty to receive from my brothers and sisters in Christ, I am denying them the gift of serving and am relying on myself to somehow sustain my level of love to give others. The truth is if I am not filled with the Spirit of God, the love I try and give to others isn’t anything compared to what it could be when it is done from the Spirit flowing through me. I need to allow myself to be cared for and refreshed in order to care for and refresh others. 

This became particularly evident when a Y-team from the States spent some time in prayer for us. Their team expressed such a heart to pray over us so that we could be renewed with the Spirit in our ministry. As we were getting acquainted, I was feeling like a zombie- completely distracted and drained by my sickness. I couldn’t breathe through my nose. I couldn’t hear from my ears. I could barely swallow. Feeling rather shy when asked, I sat in the middle of the circle and allowed these beautiful people to lay their hands on me. Beyond just the asking for healing of my physical needs they addressed my spiritual needs. One of the women felt particularly strongly that God was asking me to be an interceder for the people. A totally new concept to me, yet it completely made sense with the overall call God has placed on my life and the gifts he has given me with understanding the hearts and needs of people. I honestly was filled with the spirit and felt the power of healing through this team’s prayers.

I also was encouraged that as followers of Christ, we have been given an inheritance of courage and authority which actually brings about change both in this realm and the spiritual realm. I have always subconsciously held the idea that my presence and my prayers are ultimately of little significance. This lie causes me to tend to be timid in my approach to spiritual matters. This team showed me that we have not been given a spirit of timidity or fear, but a spirit of immense courage in Christ. Its time I started living into that truth. Why limit what God can do through me by doubting my significance. To God, I am significant enough to die for. In turn I get the absolute privilege to be a vessel of his all-powerful love. How beautiful is that! 

Speaking of beauty, I have been reading a book that has inspired me to go on a relentless pursuit. The pursuit of experiencing beauty in God, beauty in His creation, and beauty in us. Yes there is still beauty left in us to marvel at! This book is called Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman’s Soul by John and Stasi Eldredge (author of Wild at Heart). These authors peel back the lies accredited to being female and replace them with the truths of our essence as women. When God created Eve, she was something to marvel at. Eve wasn’t an afterthought of creation. She was absolutely essential for creation to be complete and for God’s image to fully be shown. The authors of Captivating write:

“Eve is created because things were not right without her. Something was not good. “It is not good for man to be alone” (Gen. 2:18). This just staggers us. Think of it. The world is young and completely unstained. Adam is yet in his innocence and full of glory. He walks with God. Nothing stands between them. They share something none of us has ever known, only longed for: an unbroken friendship, untouched by sin. Yet something is not good? Something is missing? What could it possibly be? Eve. Woman. Femininity. Wow. Talk about Significance.”

 We too as women have the role and characteristics of God that the world so desperately needs. Being in this culture where women are considered cursed because of what Eve did in the garden, I see the desperate need of these women to understand their own significance. 

One of the deepest desires of the female is to be found beautiful and to unveil beauty. This is true across every age or cultural boundary because it is how we were created to be. Beauty is in our design and should be cultivated. Sadly, the world has perverted this desire of beauty to cheapen women painting them as either vain or insecure. Full of themselves or worthless. Beauty, which was part of the original design, became something that brought shame to women instead of inspiration and life to all. Instead of exemplifying God’s beauty, it now is used to degrade the worth of his creation. 

When I am talking about this beauty, I am not speaking of it in superficial or shallow means. I am talking about the all consuming beauty that absolutely captivates the attention, affection, and heart of our God. It is the mind, body, and soul kind of beauty. It is the beauty that resonates the true life of our savior, both in males and females.

God has revealed to me the importance of pursuing and unveiling this sort of beauty especially in the lives of the women we are working with. Many would not immediately think of this as something to be addressed, but I believe that it is vital in the healing and restoration of women who have experienced trafficking, addictions, and abuses of various kinds. Honestly, it is essential in the life of all women. 

Somewhere along the line we have been deceived to look at ourselves as failures, many times as the result of our experiences or broken relationships. Never pretty enough. Never smart enough. Never thin enough. Never recognized enough. We continually perceive ourselves as not being enough and therefore loose what makes us truly unique and influential. If we embraced our beauty instead of denying it exists or hiding it because of the pain we have experienced, just image how the world would transform. We would not only transform ourselves but also inspire others in the unveiling of beauty.  That is what these women desperately need after having to live a life full of darkness, dirt, and shame. After having their value so degraded by sexual abuse and violence. Who are we to withhold beauty from their healing process? Who are we to hide our beauty from them? Who are we to not help them recognize beauty in themselves? 

God created us all for beauty and sees us as his masterpiece. Psalm 45:11 says “The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.” The Lord is enthralled by our beauty. Just as I feel enthralled by the beauty of the sea, the smell of a lily, the innocent smile of a child, or the look of a bride on her wedding day, God is enthralled by me. He is in absolute awe of your beauty. Don’t deny it or hide it any longer! God desperately wants to rejoice in you and the world desperately needs to see your beauty. How else will it see the beauty of its creator? 

Final things I would like to say:

My dear friends, Evan and Lia, got married on Friday! Congratulations you two! I pray such blessings over your marriage. I know that it honors God in such beautiful ways! Can’t wait to celebrate with you when I return home! Have fun on the honeymoon. 

Love and miss you all! I can't believe I only have 35 more days here.